SBAersGoLive: July 2008

He looked over at the sleeping girl in the bed next to him, feeling the guilt wash over him. Her long brown hair was splayed out over the pillow and she had a soft smile of her face, obviously having a pleasant dream. She looked like an angel sleeping, and it made him feel like a complete bastard for what he was doing to her. He knew he would never be able to commit to her fully, not while his wife and child were waiting for him at home. He knew very well what would happen if this ever got out, yet he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Every time she called him up, he’d find the excuses shot out of his head and he was at her front door minutes later. It was only after, when she fell asleep and the guilt eating away at him prevented him from doing the same he realised that this couldn’t go on. Sighing heavily as his phone vibrated, he picked up and held it to his ear.

“Hello?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m on my way home right now, I crashed at Iker’s last night. I’ll be there soon.”
There was a noise in the background, and then another voice was heard down the line.
“Papa!”
He bit his lip hearing his daughter’s excitement, looking over at the sleeping girl next to him again. She rolled over in her sleep, her arm sprawling across his lap and he took a sharp intake of breath.
“I’ll be home soon Zaida. I love you.”
He heard the excited giggle as his wife pulled the phone out of the little girl’s hand, holding back to her own ear.
“Hurry back, ok? We haven’t seen you since yesterday afternoon.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Give Zaida a kiss from me.”
He hung up, slotting his phone back into the pocket of his jeans before standing up and pulling them on. The sleeping girl opened one eye at the movement, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and looking up at him, her hazel eyes still not focussing properly. He kissed her on the forehead, brushing her hair out of her face.
“I have to go.”
She nodded, a brief flash of disappointment showing on her face before she replaced it with a smile. It wasn’t brief enough though, and he caught it. The guilt was back tenfold, knowing that he was hurting her by doing this. He couldn’t give her what she wanted; yet he was too selfish to let her go. Did he love her? Was it even possible to love two people at the same time?
“I’m sorry, I promised Zaida I’d spend some time with her today.”
“It’s fine, I understand. She’s your daughter, she always comes first. I’d be the same in your position.”
“I hate leaving you like this.”
She nodded again, trying hard to keep the tears at bay. She always picked the wrong guys, always ended up getting hurt. She let him kiss her, not having the energy or the heart to pull back. She looked away as he slid his wedding ring back onto his finger, not wanting to be reminded of what they were doing.
“I’ll call you later.”
And with that, he was walking out of the door, leaving her sat in bed with the sheets wrapped tightly around her and the hot tears already flowing steadily.

He opened the front door to his house and was instantly greeting by his daughter, who ran at him from the living room, grabbing onto his left leg and squeezing tightly. He laughed and picked her up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck, snuggling against his chest as he walked through the house trying to find his wife. Zaida was struggling against him, so he put her back down and she reached for his hand, pulling him towards the kitchen. He followed his daughter, watching as she thrust a piece of paper at him proudly. He looked down at it, smiling as he saw what she had drawn. In the messy scrawl of a three year old was a picture of four stick people, all holding hands and smiling. He recognised three of the people instantly, but the fourth baffled him. Looking down at his daughter, ha asked her who the fourth person was. With a beaming smile, she replied.
“Gina. She’s pretty, I like her.”
Biting his lip as the smile on his face faded, he started panicking. If Zaida had picked up on it, would his wife have done the same? It was too much of a risk, and it wasn’t one he was willing to take. Giving his daughter another kiss and telling her it was a beautiful picture before excusing himself, he left her in the kitchen. Pulling his phone out of his back pocket, he dialled the number he knew off by heart, waiting several seconds before she picked up.
“That was quick! Zaida bored of you already?”
“No. And that’s not why I’m calling. This thing…whatever it is. It has to stop.”
Her face fell and she struggled to hide the sadness in her voice as she replied.
“David, I know your family comes first and I understand that. I would never try to come between you and them.”
“The thing is, you already are. I am missing the best years of my daughter’s life when I’m with you, and I can’t do it anymore. She drew a picture of the family the other day and showed it to me just now. You’re in it!”
Her face paled as he said those words, knowing that this was where it ended. This was his way of saying it’s over between them.
“She’s three years old, I’m not going to break everything she ever knew.”
“I’m not asking you to. I may be a lot of things David, but I’m not a home wrecker. If you’re sure that this is what you want, then it’s fine with me. I knew when we started this that it wasn’t going to be forever and I thought it wasn’t going to be serious. I just didn’t think that somewhere down the line, I’d fall in love with you.”
He hesitated for a second, knowing that once he’d said the words, he couldn’t take them back. It would change everything. Taking a deep breath, he finally spoke.
“I love you too. But I love my daughter more, and I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”
He didn’t wait for a reply, hanging up before he heard the broken sob escape her. She’d known it was coming, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He tucked the phone back into his pocket, walking back into the house and greeting his wife with a kiss. He’d made his decision, and only the guilt eating away at him inside told him that it had been the wrong one. He’d broken two hearts with those few sentences, and watching his daughter drawing yet another picture, her tongue poking out in concentration, he hoped that it would all be worth it in the long run. He told himself that he was doing this for her. That had to be enough.
_________________________________________________________

It had been six months since he’d last seen her face to face. She’d done her best to avoid him since then, and he’d accepted that she needed to move on with her life. He wanted to focus on his family, wasn’t that the reason he had done all this anyway? The reason he had sacrificed his own happiness. He watched the pair from a distance, a scowl on his face. She had a beaming smile on her face – a smile that had once been reserved for him. Tearing his eyes away, he thought back to that conversation six months ago. The one that had brought all of this to an end. He knew he’d made the right decision and he’d known it back then too, but there were times when he couldn’t help but think he’d gladly sacrifice his daughter’s happiness for his own. It had been an excruciating six months, having had no contact with Gina, but now she was back in his life and the dull ache he’d managed to push to the back of his mind was back with a vengeance. The pair walked past him, almost oblivious to his presence, and he reached out, grabbing her arm. She gasped lightly and met his eyes before turning to the other man and telling him she’d meet him outside. As soon as he was far enough, she turned to face David.
“David, I…how have you been?”
He ignored the question, staring at her intently, trying to memorise every detail. Eventually, he cracked under the silence, scowling once more.
“Oh, I’ve been just fine. Looking after Zaida. You know, the usual.”
“How is she?”
“She misses you. Won’t stop talking about you.”
A soft smile spread across her face as she replied. “I miss her too.”
“Yeah, she’s clearly the only one you miss!” His tone was sharp, and her smile was instantly replaced with a frown.
“What are you talking about?”
“What the hell do you think you’re playing at?! It’s bad enough that I have to see you again, but with him? Did you think I wouldn’t care?”
“No. I just didn’t think you’d care this much. You’re the one that ended it, not me. You cannot do this to me now. I’m trying to move on with my life.”
“Do you love him?”
She ignored the question, sighing heavily as she stalked off, shaking her head. Her heart was beating faster than usual, and her hands were shaking, but then, David had always had that effect on her. She hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. She’d have been quite happy never seeing David again, reminding her of what she’d lost. What she’d been forced to give up. It was hardly her fault Silva had decided to ask her out and that she’d had a good time. She knew it was nothing more than a rebound relationship, it couldn’t be. It was still too soon and her scars were still healing, but being with someone else had taken her mind off it briefly. Sighing again as she turned the corner, she plastered a smile on her face, ignoring the dull ache in the place she thought her heart was meant to be.
If Silva noticed a change in her after talking to David, he didn’t show it. He knew about their past, no matter how hard they’d tried to hide it, but he didn’t care. He was just glad that she was his now. He loved her, and he hoped that she felt the same way, or his plans for that evening weren’t going to go to plan.

It was much later that day when the knock on her door startled her out of her daydream. Silva had left earlier, saying he had something to take care of and that he’d call her later. She opened the door to find David standing there, car keys in one hand and phone in the other. She stepped aside to let him in just as her own phone sounded from somewhere in the living room. She shut the door and rushed in, managing to get to the phone and pick up mere seconds before the line went dead. She motioned to David to sit down as she walked out into the landing to have her conversation in private. Minutes later, she returned with a smile on her face.
“Who was that?”
“Silva.”
“Oh.” Before he’d even had a chance to open his mouth and say something else, she cut him off.
“Look, I don’t mean to be rude but I’m kind of pressed for time. He just called to tell me he wants me to meet him at that cottage not too far from here in two hours and I need to get ready.”
He stood up and cleared his throat, trying to steady his voice before replying.
“Yeah, of course. I’ll talk to you later…unless you want a lift up there?”
“Are you sure? I can drive up myself if it’s going to be a problem.”
“No, it’s fine. You go and get ready, I’ll figure out how to get there. Do you have a map?”
She pointed over at the far corner of the room, flashing him a smile before turning to go upstairs. He walked over, looking through the pile of books before picking up a map and flicking through it, a look of concentration on his face. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking over at him once again.
“David?”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t love him. Not like I loved you.”
He put the map back in its place and looked up at her slowly.
“So why are you with him?”
“He can give me something you couldn’t.”
He took a few steps towards her, keeping his eyes fixed on hers.
“And what’s that?”
“All of his time and love.”
He bit his lip as he took the final few steps, closing the gap between them to mere inches. He wasn’t sure if he was about to cross the line here, but he couldn’t stop now. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to his body and kissing the top of her head while running his fingers through her hair. She shivered involuntarily at his touch.
“I’m sorry. I loved you, I still do. Don’t doubt that for a second. I just…Zaida’s a little girl, she needs me more than you do. I wish there was another way.”
“There’s no point dwelling on the past, what’s done is done. I need to get ready.”
She’d hoped that by him being here, it was a chance to go back to how things used to be, but now she knew. She was only ever going to be second best in his life and that wasn’t something she was prepared to do, no matter how much the alternative hurt. She pushed him away, ignoring the pain in her heart, the hurt look on his face, but unable to ignore the steady stream of tears already rolling down her own.
___________________________________________________

Although it was a clear night, the temperature outside was below freezing. The stars glittered in the sky, their warmth a million light years away. There was a neat white blanket of snow surrounding the car, covering the ground completely. It was the middle of winter and the weather was unforgiving, the air crisp and the temperatures sharp. The wind whistled through the car window as the pair sat in silence. She had her arms crossed over her chest and she was looking out of the window, completely ignoring her companion. He tried to get her attention, placing a hand softly on her arm but she shrugged him off angrily, shooting him a glare before returning her gaze to the woodland to her right.

“Gina…”

“Don’t you dare start this right now!”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I thought this was the right way, I didn’t realise it was a dead end.”

She spun round to face him, meeting his gaze, sparks of fury emitting from the depths of her hazel eyes. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, but she bit them back, determined not to let him see her cry. She was far too angry right now, and she wanted him to know that.

“It’s a bit late for apologies! I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere in a car with a broken window in the middle of winter. It is minus seven degrees outside, I am freezing my backside off and the car has died on us because it’s too cold! As if that wasn’t enough, my boyfriend is sat in a cottage somewhere five miles east of here waiting for me, and I’m stuck in this bloody car with you!! Excuse me if polite conversation is not top on my list of priorities right now.” With that, she turned back to the other side, determined to keep ignoring him.

Only seconds later, and as if to prove her point about how cold it was, she shivered, the evening gown she was wearing not doing much to keep her warm. He sighed and shrugged his jacket off, holding it out to her. The movement caught her eye and she turned around, unfolding her arms and taking it from him silently. She wrapped it around her shoulders, the heat from the garment, which had just been removed from him warming her instantly. He bit his lip as he watched her hair fall into her face, longing to reach out and brush it away, but it wasn’t his place. She wasn’t his anymore. As if she could sense his eyes on her, she looked up, their eyes meeting and they smiled at each other.

“I am sorry, I know that tonight was important to you. Can’t you call him and let him know you’re going to be a bit late?”

“A bit late? I was meant to be there half an hour ago, I’m pretty sure he knows I’m running late. There’s no network coverage anyway.”

“I saw a pay phone a couple of meters back.”

“I’m not going out there! It’s freezing!”

“I’ll call him. I won’t be long.”

Before she had a chance to say anything, he was opening the car door and stepping out into the road. She watched him run across the road towards the pay phone, noting how the t-shirt he was wearing clung to him. She bit her lip, shaking those thoughts out of her head. They’d been there before, it hadn’t worked out. Tearing her eyes away, she turned her attention back to the woodland to her right, barely even noticing the chill anymore. A few minutes later, she heard the car door slam shut again and turned to look at him.

“Well?”

“He’s ok, just worried about you. He thought you’d stood him up at first, but don’t worry, I put him straight.”

“Good. Thank you.”

A silence fell upon them again, and he brought his hands to his face, blowing on them to try and bring some life into the frozen digits. She reached across the handbrake, taking his hands in her own.

“You’re frozen.”

“It’s minus seven out there, of course I’m frozen.”

She frowned at the sharp biting tone, but said nothing, concentrating on warming his hands up before they turned blue and dropped off. He noticed the look on her face and pulled one of his hands out of her grasp, tapping her on the nose lightly.

“Hey.”

She looked up, still struggling to hold back all the emotions that were threatening to break loose. She’d had a nightmare day, a trip to the countryside in the middle of winter had been the last thing she needed, and now she was stuck out here until dawn, if not later. The road the car had broken down on was one of those quiet, winding countryside roads, and few cars passed through.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I know this isn’t exactly your perfect scenario, and I’m sorry for messing up.”

“It’s fine. The day I was having, I’d be surprised if this had gone to plan.”

“He’ll wait for you, you know that.”

“He shouldn’t have to. I should have been there on time. If I’d looked at the map properly…”

“Don’t blame yourself, ok? This isn’t your fault. Someone will find us tomorrow and it’ll all be over, you can go to the cottage and speak to him.”

“What if it’s too late by then? He said it was important.”

“He will wait for you. Stop stressing, that face is too pretty for a frown.”

She couldn’t help but smile at that. He’d always known how to cheer her up, even through a small, well placed comment. She looked down at their interlinked hands, thinking how right it looked. How well they fit together…like it was meant to be. Shaking her head again, she pulled her hand away from him sharply. He looked over at her, noting how she had suddenly tensed up. He hated seeing her like this, so distraught and emotional. It still tugged on his heartstrings when she was upset.

“Gina…”

“Don’t. Please just don’t.”

He placed a hand on her arm again, but she didn’t shrug him off this time. Instead, she looked up at him, their eyes meeting again. He leaned in, his head screaming at him to stop, but his heart telling him to continue. She flinched back slightly, but it was like there was an invisible force between them, drawing them together. She gasped softly as she felt his lips press against hers, but she didn’t pull away. He reached for her hand, entwining their fingers as the kiss intensified. She knew this was wrong, they both did, but they couldn’t seem to stop. Her heart was screaming at her to stay put, but her head told her to pull away, so she did, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and shuffling as far away from him as possible. Looking through the glove compartment of the car, she pulled a piece of paper out, scanning over it quickly in the moonlight. Seconds later, she was clambering out of the car, limbs flailing as she slipped on a patch of ice. He was out of the car and by her side in seconds, checking for any damage. She swatted his hands away when he offered to help her up, using the car door as leverage. When she had brushed herself off, she handed him his jacket and started walking across the road to the woodland.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to make it to that cottage to see him if it’s the last thing I do.”

“You’re not going on your own. It’s cold and it’s dark, and you don’t know the way. If we get lost, we’re getting lost together.”

She let out a low growl and grit her teeth but nodded. He was by her side before she could blink, and they walked through the trees in complete silence, neither wanting to be the first to bring up their moment in the car. That ship had sailed a long time ago, it was best all round if they didn’t go back there.

It was nearly four hours later when they finally emerged from the woods, frozen and tired, but spurred on by the thought that soon, they’d be in a nice warm cottage, sat by the fire and waiting for the heat to bring their limbs back to life. She let out a shriek of delight as she spotted a small building in the distance and set off running towards it. He followed her, just as happy that they had finally reached civilisation. As they approached the cottage, they slowed their pace to a walk, trying desperately to get their breathing and heart rates back to normal. She could hear the blood rushing around in her ears as her heart worked overtime to pump oxygenated blood around her body.

She was just about to knock on the door when it swung open to reveal David Silva wearing a smart black suit and a worried look on his face. She fell into his open arms, and he ushered the pair in, shutting the door behind them.

“I was so worried about you two out there in this weather, they said there’s a storm building.”

“It’s just as well your girlfriend is so stubborn, she just took off without warning. She was that determined to get here.”

“Thank you for looking out for her David, I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to her.”

The taller guy clapped his friend on the back, smiling at him before making his way over to the fireplace. He sat down on the rug, crossing his legs and closing his eyes as he felt the heat wash over him, soothing his aching body. He tried his best to block out the couple behind him, not wanting to intrude on their private conversation. He felt incredibly guilty about the kiss he’d shared with Gina in the car, but he knew now that he was making the right decision in letting her go. He could picture the way her face had lit up when the door opened to reveal Silva standing there. It was a look he’d grown to know and love when they were together, but it was no longer a look that belonged to him. He heard their footsteps retreating to the other room and he lay back, thinking back to a happier time when he’d had it all, only to throw it away. He knew that if there was anyone who deserved to be happy, it was the couple stood in the other room. He couldn’t stand in the way of that, no matter how much his heart broke to see them together.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Gina was stood by the door, staring at the scene before her in complete and utter shock. There were a number of candles set out on the table and as she stepped closer, she realised they spelled something out. She brought her hands up to her face as she read the message, a gasp escaping her as her brain processed the words. Turning back to the door, she bit her lip to stop the smile from spreading as she saw her boyfriend down on one knee, holding a box containing a simple diamond ring out to her. He swallowed nervously before speaking, his voice still slightly hoarse.

“Will you marry me?”

She could barely hold back the squeal of excitement as she knelt down on the ground in front of him and pressed her lips against his. She whispered only four words, but they were exactly the words he had been hoping to hear.

“Yes. I love you.”

With a smile on his face as he slid the ring onto her finger, he whispered them back, before pulling her in for another kiss.